We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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