barbara walters just said penis...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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