dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
