the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
