so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
