Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm both gender and math confused
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
