apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
