I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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