Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
