Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize