Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
