Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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