the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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