she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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