Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
