Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
