I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
