Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Blood and glitter go together right?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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