if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
