You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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