Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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