Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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