this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
