Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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