I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
