I want to make a zoo with you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
