so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
love makes seman taste better
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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