Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
