walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
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Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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