Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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