My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
