He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
