A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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