the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
