So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
