those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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