Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
