She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
people are starting to question the shark bite story
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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