Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
