Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
