I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
