you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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