Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
