i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
