walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think people are normalizing furries
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
