??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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