I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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