I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
