dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
