Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
