sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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