who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
