LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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