sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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