how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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