Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
