420 ftw
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
