Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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