I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
