it was like eating out sand paper
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
