he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize