dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
