4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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