Apparently you make a good broom.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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