So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
