i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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