have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
