I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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