Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
