you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
