Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
from now on my penis is your penis
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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