HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
