i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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