yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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