saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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